Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Pure Charity

Hi Everyone! I have something that I am excited to share with you from Beth, who started Give1Save1! Beth shared this last week on the Africa page.

Hey guys, I've got some really exciting news to share with you about Pure Charity. Tomorrow we'll talk about how it's going to help you. And me too. But today let's start with the basics. What is Pure Charity?

OK, so how cool is that?! So today's assignment is to simply go and create an account. Install the plug-in if you do some online shopping. It's so easy, I could do it. And the phrase "install the plug-in" makes me almost nauseous. But it was easy. I've even done a bit of shopping on it and grew my giving fund. So just create your account and poke around the site a bit. Trust me, you'll want to do this! I'll tell you why tomorrow...

Monday, April 29, 2013

New Week: Welcome the Wright Family

Happy Monday! Hope you are doing well! I grew up in a large family and love big families, so this week I am excited to introduce you to the Wright family!

Please welcome Paul and Kristin and their sons, Alex, Blake, and Cole. The Wrights will soon be going from a family of 5 to a family of 9! The Wrights are adopting a sibling set of 4 from Latvia! Soon, Ivars, Laura, Diana, and Aigars will join their family! You can follow their adoption journey on their Facebook page. Watch their video!

Guess what? This week not only will your donations be tax deductible, your donations will also be doubled! For every dollar you give, Promise 686 will match it with another dollar to help the Wright's bring their four children home from Latvia! The donate link below will lead to Promise 686's PayPal donation site where you can donate safely! Please pray for the Wrights, give $1, and share this post with all your family and friends! The Wrights will be traveling soon, so let's showered them with love! 


UPDATE: You gave $2,646 to help the Wrights bring home their children from Latvia! Since the Wrights had a matching grant, their total received will be  $5,292! Thanks You!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Guest Post by Ashlee: Supporting and Understanding the Adoptive Family

Hello! I have another great guest post to share with you! I came across this blog post a few weeks ago and knew I wanted to share it with you! I asked Ashlee and she graciously allowed me to guest post it on Give1Save1 Europe! We all know that adoption isn't easy! This post would be great to share with your family and friends before you bring your child home!

About eighteen months ago our family expanded through the adoption of two children. We have learned so much and the family and friends who love and support our family have also learned a lot. Though we had previous parenting experience, this journey has had it's own unique joys and challenges.

Many adoptive families give written advice and suggestions to friends and family prior to the new child's arrival to help ensure a smooth transition. I didn't do this because I felt like it would be too difficult to put my wishes and feelings into words without sounding too harsh or controlling and honestly I did not really even know what to say. However, after being home for almost a year and a half, it is clear that most people have great intentions but that they want and need suggestions for what they can do to help our adopted children integrate into our family and into the community. Here are a few thoughts about supporting an adoptive family. Most pertain to families who have adopted internationally and also to those who have adopted through the domestic route. It was compiled based on our experience and also on the experiences of a few dozen other adoptive parents who contributed their ideas and suggestions.

Our children are not necessarily grateful to have been adopted. And we don't expect them to be. It is not that our kids don't notice the stability of a family. It's not that they don't cherish the love that they are receiving or that they don't like their new life. It is because children are programmed to need, want and expect love. When we provide it we are not heroes, we are simply meeting one of their very basic needs. Expecting adopted children to be grateful for being adopted is like expecting our biological children to be grateful for being conceived. It was a choice that we, their parents, made and that they were brought into.

Please don't feed my kids. 
For children who have known hunger, food means love. We want them to learn to love us, their parents and siblings, before they bond with extended family, neighbors and friends. I know that they stare longingly at anything edible. I know that our two year old puts his head on the table and looks at you with puppy dog eyes. But since we were not there to meet their early needs (breast or bottle feeding, comforting them when they were sick, changing diapers, kissing boo boos) we need to make up for it by meeting as many of their physical and emotional needs as possible now. Many adopted children also have food insecurities. Some eat until they vomit and then start eating again. Others hoard food, needing the comfort of knowing that there is some saved for later. It is best to leave all feeding to the parents unless specifically directed otherwise.

Parenting an adopted child is hard work and we struggle.  We may tell you that were okay when we're really falling apart. We're worried that if we are honest about how difficult it is that you won't understand and that you'll think we're nuts. Adding a child who may or may not have anything in common with us socially, culturally, biologically or even personality-wise is challenging. Though undoubtedly beautiful and worth all of the struggles, adoption certainly isn't always easy or pretty.

It is greatly appreciated if you choose your wording carefully, especially around our children. 
Yes, these are all our "real" kids (though sometimes it would be nice if all of my kids, adopted and biological, had "off" switches) and, in most situations, you probably do not need to specify whether you are talking about my "adopted kids" or my "biological kids". They are all my kids even if they joined us through different paths.

If you'd like to offer support (meal, help with house cleaning, etc) when an adopted child joins the family,  please do even if we don't reach out and ask.
Many of us won't specifically ask for help or tell you what we need. However, I don't know a single adoptive mom who would turn down an offer to have a group of friends tidy/clean her house during those first few weeks at home with a new child. Likewise, coffee and chocolate are most always welcome and might be exactly what a new adoptive mom needs to get through those challenging times of adjustment!

Please don't try to get our child to like you the most.
Attachment and bonding are challenging enough without having friends and family slip our children candy, shower them with gifts, offer seconds at meals or encouraging bending and stretching of family rules. We're already working our tails off to get them to like us. With consistency and time they will learn to like you too, I promise.

Our adopted children had lives before they joined our family. 
They had/have birth families and other relatives who are important to them and who deserve recognition and credit too. They have had life experiences that, while sometimes different than ours, are still special and valuable.

Be considerate of the types of questions that you ask about our child's background and personal history, especially in their presence and especially if they are old enough to understand.Would it offend you if someone asked if you have AIDS, if you were abandoned, if your parents were drug users or how your parents died? If so, best not to ask these questions to someone else. We understand that it is normal to be curious and to wonder about the circumstances that led to a child's adoption. However, these are things that we discuss openly in our immediate family but not elsewhere. Our children may or may not choose to divulge more of their personal stories someday when they are older but they are THEIR stories and details to share, not mine.

Sometimes adopted children need to be parented differently than biological children. 
We are not spoiling them. We aren't making excuses for poor behavior. Rather, we are parenting a child whose background may be very dissimilar to anything we've experienced. A child who has been abandoned and who has a fear of abandonment shouldn't be sent to time out alone in another room. A child who is still attaching to their adoptive family may need to be firmly held while having loving, affirming words whispered into their ear during a full-blown tantrum. The types of consequences that work for other children might not work for a child who doesn't have the same sense of value of their possessions and who doesn't understand what it means to have privileges. As parents, we must be flexible to help meet the individual needs of our child even if it means that we do things a little differently sometimes.

If you would like to give a gift to our new child, please consider something small that the whole family can enjoy together.
A few ideas are a frozen meal, a gift card to the movies, a small ornament commemorating the adoption or art supplies for all of the kids to share. We know that you want to welcome our new additions but gifts can be overwhelming for children who have had few material possessions. Also, we want our children to learn to love you for who you are, not for the fact that they hope they'll get another gift the next time they see you again. Other siblings may also experience jealousy and resentment if the new addition suddenly receives an armory of gifts and they are excluded.

Attachment takes time and work.It doesn't happen overnight. Even if it appears that our child is securely attached to us it may take many months or years and every child and every family bonds differently. Many times we're faking it until we make it but one day we will wake up and realize that we're not faking it anymore and that our love is deep and real.

Parents who have recently added a child through adoption need support, friendship, love and encouragement.
Even if we're somewhat withdrawn and spending a lot of time at home cocooning with our new addition we value our friendships. Please continue to check up on us and to email, text, call or stop by. If you were in our life before we still want you in our life and in the lives of our children!

Please refrain from commenting on our child's appearance (specifically relating to ethnicity/race) in front of him or her.
All children want to feel included and to fit in. Pointing out how dark they are, how differently they look from the rest of us or how unique their hair feels only makes them feel like they stand out more.

Please do not ask adopted children if they like their new parents/family.
Adopted children do not usually get to hand pick their family. Adoption is similar to an arranged marriage and unique, sometimes very different people are brought together. With hard work and patience true love may grow. However, ask ANY child, biological or adopted (especially any older child!) if they like their parents and be prepared for some interesting answers!

It takes time to help children start to heal from a difficult past.
Just because they have been with us for a certain amount of time does not mean that the are "fixed". On the other hand, just because children are adopted does not necessarily mean that they will be any more difficult, defiant, less successful or anything else as teenagers or adults.

Educating your children about adoption and diversity helps my children. 
Talking openly about adoption, children who look different than one or both parents and other "nontraditional" family structures helps our children feel accepted and secure at extracurricular activities, church, school and elsewhere in our community.

Our new additions are not celebrities. We appreciate all of the love and support that we were shown during our adoption process and we know that everyone is excited to meet them. However, taking photos of just our adopted child or pouring attention on them while ignoring our other children is not healthy for anyone. The child who is receiving all of the attention often feels singled out and siblings quickly become resentful.

Our children may be "delayed" when they join our family but often they just need time.  
Adopted children are placed into environments that may be very different than anything they've ever experienced. They may be overstimulated, confused and sometimes there are language barriers. With time and patience most emotional, intellectual and physical delays will be overcome.

Please do not tell us how amazing we (parents) are because we have chosen to adopt. 
We know that this comment is usually intended as a compliment but our adopted kids are not burdens, charity cases or a community service project to be completed.  As parents we gladly invest the time and energy needed to ensure the happiness and well-being of any of our children.

We may discourage physical contact with our child for the first several months that they are home or until we feel like they are securely attached to us.
Please do not insist on holding them, hugging them or having them sit on your lap. Many children who have lived in orphanages and institutions learn to fight for adult attention. Often they can put on quite the show and act like the most friendly, charming child to draw attention to themselves. While it may be cute and though it gives the false impression that they are well-adjusted and confident, it is very important that initially the parents are the only adults who help fulfill these children's need for physical affection. This also teaches healthy boundaries and is a safety consideration since no child, adopted or biological, should feel obligated to have close physical contact with someone that they do not know well.

We do not advertise our child's "cost".
If you would like to know how expensive our adoption process was, please ask when our children are not present, call after our kids are in bed or send us an email. Most adoptive families are happy to share our experiences and to provide helpful information but we do not ever want our children to feel like they were bought or that they are commodities.

When the going gets tough please do not ask if we regret our decision to adopt or imply that "we asked for it". Few people would tell a sleep-deprived mother of a colicky newborn "well, you asked for this" and it would be considered rude to ask a new mother if she regretted her decision to have a baby. Just because something is difficult does not mean that we regret it. There are bumps in the road of every journey.

Even the happiest of adoptions are a result of challenging or difficult circumstances. 
Though we like to think of adoption as a "happy ending", birth parents may have made difficult decisions, children may have faced losses and many lives were forever changed. Though most adopted children grow to be happy, well-adjusted adults and though most adoptive families are beautiful and full of love, it is important not to romanticize adoption.

And, most importantly:

No one is perfect.
If you slip and call our biological kids our "real" kids or if you've already asked "What happened to his mother?" we won't hold a grudge. We know that our family is different. We understand that it is impossible to be sensitive and politically correct in every situation all the time. These are ideas and suggestions, not commandments.

We appreciate that you care about our family. We cannot thank you enough for wanting to learn more about supporting and understanding the adoptive family and for helping make this transition as smooth as possible for all of us!

If you would like to read more about supporting adoptive families, adjustment and how you can help, "After the Airport" is a great blog post.  "I am not Super Mom: Ten things I want you to know about adoption" is another good read.

Originally posted by Ashlee on The Kitchen is Not My Office on Saturday, December 22, 2012. Reposted with Permission. View original post here: http://www.thekitchenisnotmyoffice.com/2012/12/supporting-and-understanding-adoptive.html 

Monday, April 22, 2013

New Week: Welcome the Gardner Family

Good Morning! Meet our featured family of the week - the Gardners!

Matt and Kristie, have four children: Rebekah, Rachel, Sarah, and Seth! Soon they will have five children! Last year the Gardner family hosted a 5 year old boy from Latvia through New Horizon's orphan hosting program. Now they want to make him their son. Read more about their adoption journey on their blogWatch their video!

Won't you help the Gardner family bring home their son? please share this video! Please donate $1 or more. You can donate safely through PayPal by clicking the link below!
Update: You gave $1006 so far to help the Gardners bring Warrior home! Thank you!

Rebekah and Rachel are making necklaces to help bring home their brother! To buy one, visit the Gardners' blog.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Adoption Photography: Post Adoption Photos

After my original post on pre-adoption photo ideas, I found some more really cute ideas for post adoption pictures! I had do share these ideas with you too!

This is Our Happily Ever After!
Love Makes a Family
This would be so cute post adoption with the parents and children holding the letters to love!

I Grew In Mommy's Heart


We Searched the World for You...
For more ideas, click here to check Give1Save1 out on Pinterest!

Monday, April 15, 2013

New Week: Welcome the Saubers Family!

Good Morning! This week we are featuring the Saubers Family! I know you will love meeting Jeff and Shauna and their children Manon, Jack, Landrie, and Piper. You can read more about the Saubers Family on their blog here. The Saubers are adopting Kael from Lithuania. But I will let them tell you their story! Watch their video below!

"We are adopting a little boy that just turned 3 and has Down syndrome! He does have some medical issues that need to be taken care of as soon as possible, so once we get the okay, we have to be able to go! We unfortunately had a failed domestic adoption last summer...we were devastated and we just didn't know if we were supposed to continue on with our adoption journey or not. But God spoke and once we saw his picture, we knew he was our son! Our whole family is so excited to bring this little man home and show him the love of a family!" - Saubers Family

You can help bring Kael home to his family! Share this post. Give $1 or more. The Saubers have a tax deductible donation account through Reece's Rainbow. Click the link below to donate.

UPDATE: You gave $162 to help the Saubers bring home their son. Thank you!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

This Week on My Adoption Play List..."Bring Our Children Home" by Cindy Foote

I love a good adoption song! How about you? Lately I have been thinking about the families that we are all helping to unite, praying God will supply the funds for them to bring their children home, and listening to this song by Cindy Foote! Hope it encourages you like it encourages me!

Monday, April 8, 2013

New Week: Welcome the Ashby Family

Good Morning!  This week, it is my joy to introduce you to the Ashby family! James and Christina Ashby and their children have worked together to create this video to introduce themselves to you and to tell you about their adoption! Please watch!

The Ashbys are adopting a waiting child in Eastern Europe! They will be traveling for their first trip this summer to visit their son! You can follow their adoption journey  at their blog here. Will you join me in helping to unite this little boy with his family? Donate $1. Share this post with everyone you know!

The Ashby's have a donation account for their son on Reece's Rainbow, so this week your gift of $1 or more will be tax deductible!

UPDATE: You gave $20 to help the Ashbys bring home their son. Thank you!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Country Shout Out: Hungary

Hi, there! Hope your day is going well! This week we will not be featuring a new family. If you haven't done so, please watch the Moss family's video and give $1! You will be a blessing to them and their daughter in Bulgaria!

This week's shout out goes to Hungary! In 2011, 4 children were adopted from Hungary by American Parents.

In case you are wondering, Hungary is located right here:

Now for a little information about Hungarian culture and history brought to you by Rick Steves: 

For more information about adopting from Hungary, visit the Department of State's Website on Intracountry Adoption.

The following adoption agencies have Hungary adoption programs. (There may be other agencies with programs, these are just the ones of which I am aware. I am not endorsing any of these agencies. Please do your own research, ask for references, etc.)